July 15, 2008

Please Stop Fox News, You're Hurting Me.

This is the story of a man's encounter with Fox News.

Nathan Robinson is a "decent, thinking person" who, as a "bleeding-heart liberal", felt "duty-bound to give Fox News a chance." Now since we all know Fox is full of crazy conservatives and spazzoids, this was a very brave thing for Nathan to do. It's nice to have such an open-minded, knowledgeable fellow around.

So after watching 24 hours of Fox News, what did Nathan discover?
Well here are a few quotes from his article.

-FOX screams at you, and won't let you turn your mind down a notch. Everything is angry, bright, and in-your-face.

-I start to count the number of different Blonde FOX Ladies. I soon find this to be an impossible task. They cannot be distinguished.

-The worst thing about FOX is not its bias, but the "panic mode" that it seems to live in. Everything is a catastrophe. Immigrants will get you. Lightbulbs will get you. Wildfires will get you. Jesse Jackson will cut your nuts off.

-The message of the network seems to be "It's a scary world out there. You're going to need a gun and some deep-seated prejudice if you're going to make it out alive."

-It's a world where love is replaced by fear, and flashing colors and loud noises stand in for open, honest discussions. It's a crazy-mixed up land of deceit, terror, and sleaze.

Now this is some scary stuff. I'm going to have to stay away from Fox News and all of the indistinguishable blonde women, scare tactics, loud noises, and wild circumcising men.

This is a serious concern since liberals are completely free of scare tactics and yelling. Global Warming, anti-war, gay tolerance, political correctness, and racial discrimination are all things discussed reasonably and calmly. We need to stop the conservative loonies while we still can.

3 comments:

The Vicar of Vanity said...

Stupid fear mongering fox news. They just need a little warm fuzzy liberalism to make it the perfect station with worse ratings.

The Archduke of Arrogance said...

That guy is just mad because our side has better looking women.

Philosochemicist said...

Oh Fox Noise. Oh how you appeal to the emotions of the mindless and lead them to action against things they don't understand.